REVIEW: The Jubilee Concert

Clearly, if my Twitter timeline is to be believed, there were royalists who watches a different concert to the utter shambles I witnessed yesterday evening. And I hope some of those spouting pro-monarchist platitudes and "proud to be British" nonsense have woken with a guilty feeling and some common sense once their hangovers have passed.



Yes, there were a few reasonable acts: Stevie Wonder and Kylie Minogue clearly stole the show, while Madness did well up on the roof of Buck House despite the poor sound engineering that blighted many acts. Tom Jones, with his reptilian skin clearly shined for the occasion, was surprisingly ok and Ed was blandly alright. Beyond that few did their careers any good and the likes of Annie Lennox, JLS and Jessie J may as well not have bothered.

But, oh dear, there were some embarrassing and career-ending performances to mark Luz Windsor's 60 years of lauding over us ordinary mortals, doing very little and taking lots of money from the poor.

Elton John clearly thought he was auditioning for a new musical about the Elephant Man with awful annunciation and a dreadful singing performance. Paul McCartney did what he always does by making everyone realise he was only ever the third most talented Beatle (and only there because of Ringo's general ineptitude). Shirley Bassey was as abominable as ever. Cheryl Cole proved she is a dancer and not a singer - and that she is totally lost without autotune (how can she ever "mentor" contestants on a talent show after this evening?).

As for the Take That boys: Gary Barlow showed he is a sycophantic dullard without any sense of occasion. Robbie Williams simply scattered the ashes of his career around the foot of Queen Victoria's statue.

Astonishingly Ed Sheeran's bland musical wallpaper was one of the stand out performances of the night - that's how bad things got!

One of the more bizarre acts, amongst an evening of underperformances was Grace Jones (yes, really) singing her hit from over 20 years ago whilst hula-hooping for the duration!

The running order was just bizarre. Each time the party atmosphere was picked up there'd be a classical act to dissipate the moment and lose the audience. I gave nothing against classical musicians, obviously, but an event that includes pop, rock and classical all together needs careful organisation, not just a random order (if it wasn't random there is something even more wrong with Barlow's artistic judgement than previously thought).

Cliff Richard was simply excruciating, as we're most of the comedians who provided links - Miranda Hart proved once more that she is just not funny, as did Peter Kay. Rob Brydon was cringeworthy and Jimmy Carr should have known better (let's hope the size of the cheque made it worth it eh Jim?). The worst was Lenny Henry who, having got Rolf Harris to pad for time by singing "Two Little Boys" decided to cut him short before the final chorus - just as the crowd were getting behind him and joining in the impromptu performance.

Is it written into Lenny Henry's contract that wherever he performs he has to point out to everyone that he's black? It does seem to be so.

The biggest let down has, of course, been well advertised (with its own primer one documentary last night) - "Sing" was co-written by Gary Barlow and Andrew Lloyd Webber and featured performances from musicians from the Commonwealth as well as the ghastly Military Wives Choir - Gareth Malone, j'accuse! Even with a huge assortment if global talents Barlow managed to make it all sound like a treacly non-event unworthy if a school fete let alone a Diamond Jubilee.

The whole event was a shameless overblown nonsense that, at a time of national austerity, must have a few budgets very stretched.

The dull facade of Buck House was used to good effect as a screen for some effective projections - though they were rather A-level Media Studies in imagination.

And then there was Charlie Windsor's speech. Truly diabolical, and yet many on Twitter thought it great. I do hope those people watch it again when sober to see just how ridiculous it was.

The whole Jubilee weekend has been one big, expensive con trick. It's deflected the proles from the real issues in this country and the wider world, and it's been done to garner support for the anachronism that is monarchy.

Maybe they're just setting the bar really low for the Olympic Games ceremonies? Because almost anything will be better than this evening's parade of the undead.

I do hope we never see the likes of this event ever again. Or if we do it is for something worthwhile - nit just an old lady living a privileged existence at vast economic, social and moral cost to the rest of us.

Happy Jubilee! May it be the last!

Liz Windsor celebrates with dictators, despots and tyrants

Liz Windsor continued her year of excess and self-congratulations today by hosting a lunch at Windsor Castle for fellow monarchs.

Among those in attendance were a number of unpleasant autocratic and absolute monarchs who really shouldn't be invited to pleasant lunches at British tax payers expense.

Included among these truly evil human beings are the King of Bahrain who has had protestors against his oppressive regime arrested or simply shot during the past year. Therr's also King Mswati of Swaziland who runs his country for his self interest while the population suffer.

Added to this are members of the Saudi and Kuwaiti royal families both of whom rule nations with appalling civil rights records notably being opposed to equality for women and being anti-gay.

Particularly sickening was that many who attended wore military uniforms of the armies they use to oppress their populations.

Quite why old Liz thinks it is acceptable to entertain such despots is beyond me. Maybe she's been ill-advised or maybe she's gone ga ga in her old age. Or maybe she wishes she could be more blatant and evil rather than simply ripping off the British public financially and for privilege.

I often hear, from monarchists, what a great job Liz Windsor does. Today shows that she is a disgrace and a national embarrassment.

OPINION: Old woman's father died 60 years ago today

Today, much of the British media is going overboard with tributes to the Queen whose accession happened 60 years ago on the death of her father.

So what?

"Old woman's father died 60 years ago today" - that's all the story amounts to.

Liz Windsor is now 85. Again, so what? Lots of people live to that age and beyond even if they don't have the pampered, easy living to which the Windsor dynasty have become accustomed.

It just isn't news and yet BBC News is doing "special reports" every few minutes, it seems.

And then there's the sycophantic and fawning politicians all saying how "wonderful" Mrs. Windsor is and what a "great job" she has done. What job? Beyond wasting vast amounts of tax payers money her role involves very little if worth.

And don't pretend the monarchy brings in tourists! That is one of the biggest myths ever. Is France tourist free? No.

Remembering the death of a lived one should be a private matter. Today Liz Windsor should be having a few quiet thoughts recalling her father.

I dread to think how ridiculous the coverage of the Diamond Jubilee will become in May and June when most of the big celebrations are scheduled.

I may have to hibernate.

OPINION: Michael Gove and a new royal yacht

Michael Gove gets a very bad press in education circles. This is, of course, nothing new. Teachers tend to mistrust and dislike most Secretaries of State for Education whether they are Labour, Tory or, potentially, while we have a coalition, Lib Dem.

Mchael Gove, however, doesn't help his case. He often takes things a step too far, or comes up with ideas which, quite frankly, are just plain dumb.

Yesterday evening a letter that he wrote was leaked to The Guardian. In it he argues the case for the nation giving a new royal yacht to the Queen to mark her diamond jubilee this year.

Gove is an enthusiastic monarchist. Like those who have religion, he has the same emptiness behind his eyes that all morons who support monarchy have.

Gove argues that a new royal yacht would be an appropriate gift to the monarch and would not only create much-needed work in our shipbuilding industry, but would give every man, woman and child a feel good feeling.

Really? Yep, he's that much of a moron.

Firstly, why should Liz Windsor get any "gift" from the nation. She's been taking millions and millions of pounds annually for oing little of merit or worth. Her year is pretty much non-stop holiday and yet this year she and hubby couldn't be arsed to attend the Royal Variety Performance, which is put on for her benefit, because it was in Salford. I don't see many fom the North West feeling they've had value ir money from the £200+ million spent on the monarchy every year.

Secondly, Gove argues that a new royal yacht would create jobs - well, it might have one had it been commissioned a couple of years ago. As it is, even the best, most efficient shipyards wouldn't be able to build a new royal yacht in the time between now and the Jubilee celebrations in the early summer. Additionally, by EU rules I suspect that such a process would have to be put out to render across Europe and, with the UK's run down, overpriced and increasingly inexperienced shipbuilding industry, the chances are that a non-UK shipyard would win the contract to build the new royal yacht.

Thirdly, Gove claims a new royal yacht would only cost about £60 million. Well, when the Royal Yacht Britannia was decommissioned in 1997, a decision made in equal parts by the dregs of John Major's government and the incoming, reforming government of Tony Blair, it was estimated a replacement would have cost between £60 - 70 million. The likelihood is that a new royal yacht, if the luxury ships owned by the likes of various wealthy Russian oligarchs is anything to go by, would be much nearer to £200 million.

Fourthly, Gove believes that, having had cutbacks, job losses, fuel price rises, inflation, wage freezes, pension turmoil, etc. we'll all feel a warm glow if happiness because our overpaid, underworked, privileged monarch had a new luxury toy for her holidays. Really? Is he really THAT demented? Apparently so.

Even Cameron, very often the Moron-in-Chief, thinks it's a bad idea - though he, it seems does think putting the idea out o public subscription might work and be a good idea. By the time the ship was ready, and all paid for, chances are we might have a new monarch who, I. It ice, has today said he supports the idea of a new royal yacht. Quelle Surprise! Charlie Windsor wants more from the public to support his worthless lifestyle.

The suggestion that the nation buys anything for Liz Windsor is, at best insulting to the public and, at worst, is an evil and deluded suggestion from someone who urgently needs to spend some time with his family - though I pity them if he does.

No to a royal yacht - and, while we're at it, time for a republic!