Yes, yes, please don't snooze off just yet - I know it's a tired old cliché of blog writers and jobsworth hacks desperately trying to fill column inches but, you never know, mine might be interesting! (OK, even I'm to holding my breath).
So, if the fictional Jesus (yes, fictional, get over it) was allowed a dozen guests, I'm going to have twelve people plus myself for dinner. As this is pure fantasy and never going to happen the fact that our dining table can only possibly hold eight (and that's a bit of a squeeze) will be ignored. I'm also not inviting any family members or anyone I know in my day to day life - yes, they'd be there in reality but that mean that some dinner guests would have to eat their food from trays on their laps in the living room - and that's not good manners.
Also, I'd like to make it clear now, I do not see myself as the Messiah - I'm sure many might say "He's just a very naughty boy!"
So, dinner... my last supper... my fantasy guests:
1. Tim Minchin - he's pure comedy genius, he's a fantastic musician and he has a similar viewpoint on religion, the environment, etc. as me.
My wife and I went to see him live earlier in the year, accompanied by full orchestra - absolutely fantastic!
2. Jeremy Paxman is probably the best interviewer on British television over the past 20 years - add to that his magnificent hosting of University Challenge and I think he would have a great deal to add to the evening's banter.
3. My third dinner guest would be Michael Moore - film maker, rabble rouser, American leftie (well, leftie for America!) with a hatred of NeoCons and the GOP.
4. My wife will claim that I have only chosen Dr. Alice Roberts because I fancy her - that aside, she is a breath of fresh air as a scientific broadcaster. Her programmes are always interesting and neither dumb down nor patronise.
5. My second American round the table would be Jon Stewart - comedian, presenter of the Daily Show and, sometime presenter of the Oscars.
6. Armando Ianucci is the one person on my guest list that I've met - indeed, whilst at university together, I was the President of the Oxford Revue Company wand he starred in the productions.
Comic Relief 2007 Armando Ianucci by Barneyk
7. My atheist (well, actually, antitheist, views are well known to anyone who knows me so I guess it's not a surprise that I would invite Richard Dawkins - he talks sense and, though some say they think he is slimy, talks down to people or keeps saying the same things over and over, I like him and its MY dinner party!
8. Vanessa Redgrave has had an amzing acting career and has been an inspiration with her various campaigns on a variety of issues.
9. Peter Gabriel is one of my favourite musicians from the rock/pop world - never shy to innovate, full of theatre and with a relevance beyond the recording studio with his human rights campaigning. A true Renaissance man and inspiration.
10. John Adams is my favourite "classical" composer - I hate that term - it suggests someone who died back in Ancient Greece or Egypt. He is very much alive and producing music of great beauty and voracious rhythms.
11. My last two guests might seem odd, or out of place. Firstly I'd choose Jeremy Clarkson who isn't the buffoon he increasingly makes himself out to be on Top Gear and in various newspaper columns and articles. He appears to love the role of pantomime villain and I think his generally right-wing agenda would enliven the conversation.
12. Jesus had himself, 11 supporters and one betrayer around the table at his Last Supper. I'll have myself, 11 "heroes" and one person who I find myself increasingly despising: Sally Bercow. I would choose her because, in this company, it would show her that she's not as talented, well-educated, erufite, witty or profound as she clearly thinks she is. She's a bit of a nobody who is chiselling a career for herself on the back of her husband's job as Speaker of the House. Awful woman!
So, there you have it. That's my fantasy dinner party/Last Supper. I know it will never happen but, if we do survive another Rapture today, I'll continue living in hope.
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